before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
