he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
