I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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