Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
