K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bring money and cleavage
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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