All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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