Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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