I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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