I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
