We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
