i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
