Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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