Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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