I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
