Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
