no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
