and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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