You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
