Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
