Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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