My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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