you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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