i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
