You smell like a Billy Joel song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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