but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
