I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize