I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
