please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
