HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
