im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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