She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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