Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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