He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
