Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
