I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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