I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
