I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
