I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
