I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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