so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
two words: eviction party
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
