And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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