I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize