Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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