he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize