I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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