He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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