dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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