dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
