I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
