Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
love makes seman taste better
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
