You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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