turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
