hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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