I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
