bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
