Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
