we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
