i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dick very happy bro
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
