She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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