Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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