The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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