Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
