I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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