you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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