I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
