so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
