The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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