how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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