In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
