i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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