my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
