Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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