just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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