How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
